Day 39/50: The Proper Perspective After a Fall
מְעַ֛ט מְעַ֛ט אֲגָֽרְשֶׁ֖נּוּ מִפָּנֶ֑יךָ עַ֚ד אֲשֶׁ֣ר תִּפְרֶ֔ה וְנָֽחַלְתָּ֖ אֶת־הָאָֽרֶץ
I will drive them out from before you little by little, until you have increased and can occupy the land
If we experience a slip or fall in Kedusha, we must never let it get us down. Getting depressed is exactly what the Yetzer Hara wants, and it leads to a vicious cycle of continued falls.
The truest test of an eved Hashem is davka when Hashem takes everything away, such as when we fall and feel no inspiration, no emotion and no hislavus. That’s the moment of truth where a person can ask himself honestly, “Am I an eved Hashem because it’s my nature and/or because it keeps me emotionally happy, or do I serve the Almighty because that’s His will and nothing else?”
It’s also a chance for us to ask ourselves, “Is this about me or about Hashem? Yes, I may not be at my best right now, but what does Hashem gain if I dwell on the past? The heck with me, Hashem! What can I do for You now?“
The Lechevitcher Rebbe (a student of R’ Shlomo of Karlin) once went as far as to say that even if a person just killed someone and the knife is still dripping with blood, and he feels unable to stand up and daven Mincha with all his strength and heart, then he has not yet tasted from the waters of being a true eved Hashem!*
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